5 Smart Ways to Gain Weight

Heredity does play a major role in determining your weight. Effective
weight training and a smart diet can help you exceed your genetically
predetermined weight, but only to a certain extent.

Here are 5 Smart Ways to gain weight:

1. Choose dairy products, eggs, fish and meat over bread and
vegetables. Eat foods with high protein content such as beans, pulses
and peas, and foods with high starch content such as potatoes, rice
and tapioca.

2. Snack more often. Consume a lot of high-calorie snacks (not junk
food) such as cheese sticks, milk shakes, muffins, dried fruits,
yoghurt and breakfast bars. Also, eat larger portions and eat at least
five meals a day.

3. Drink a lot of fluids that supply nutrients and calories like milk,
fresh fruit juices and energy drinks.

4. You need to exercise really hard and intensely to gain muscle mass.
Focus on free weight exercises (which do not require machinery) that
target your large muscle groups. For example, you need dumbells, not
fancy gym machines. If you have a high metabolic rate - which means
you expend a lot of energy even at rest - you need short intense
workouts instead of long periods of low-stress activity.

5. Be consistent. It might take a long time, usually a few months, for
the weight to actually show. Some women get frustrated and quit when
they fail to see drastic results. But no weight gain program will work
for you if you are not regular!

http://timesofindia.com/life-style/health-fitness/fitness/5-Smart-ways-to-gain-weight/articleshow/10301834.cms

Photo-credit: myrecipes.com

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World Health Organization Declares Nigeria Ebola Free

The World Health Organization says the Ebola epidemic that has killed
2,811 in West Africa has been contained in Senegal and Nigeria.

The UN health agency said on Monday that Senegal had not reported any
new cases of the virus since the first case was reported on august 29,
while the last case reported in Nigeria was on September 8.

The incubation period for Ebola is 21 days and double that time must
pass without any new cases arising before a country can be deemed
transmission-free.

Both Senegal and Nigeria implemented strict measures to isolate the
virus and track down further possible cases. Guinea, Liberia and
Sierra Leone have failed to impose such steps, allowing the disease to
take hold.

The announcement came as Nigerian students prepared to return to
school after an enforced summer break because of Ebola.

The spread of the disease has threatened to undo progress made in
rebuilding Liberia and Sierra Leone after their wars of the 1990s, and
exposed the fragility of the state in Guinea.

(AIT News)

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CDC Prediction of Ebola Spread Is Not A Useful Estimate- Experts

I personally felt that the CDC prediction "that Ebola may infect
1.4-million people in Sierra Leone and Liberia by January" was
over-board and

I'm glad some others are thinking so too.

London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine director Peter Piot, a
co-discoverer of the Ebola virus, says:

"Unless the CDC has data nobody else has, this is not a useful
estimate. We should certainly not assume that our collective efforts
won't have any impact.

"This epidemic is like weather forecasting," Prof Dye said. "We can go
a week, maybe two weeks into the future, but beyond that everything is
uncertain.

"We've made the best judgment we can, and in our judgment it's not
valid to go any further than four weeks ahead."

Prof Dye, WHO director of Strategy also said:

'This epidemic is like weather forecasting, we can go a week, maybe
two weeks into the future, but beyond that everything is uncertain.

The challenge for outbreak forecasters is to find a balance between
raising an alarm and "going over the top".'

It's as if some people just want to sentence these people to death.
Would they have been able to forecast Nigeria not having a single case
after

Patrick Sawyer "imported" it?

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Stressed at work? Check your Home life

A new research has found that unresolved problems at home could result
in stress at work.

"Researchers at Concordia University in Canada and the University of
Montreal surveyed 1,954 employees from 63 different organizations
found that it's not just looming deadlines and crazy bosses that lead
to work burnouts, stresses at home can be just as important to work
place mental health.

According the International Labor Organization (ILO) stress is a
factor in between 50 and 60 per cent of all lost working days, a huge
cost in terms of both human distress and impaired economic
performance.

"Work stress has to do with work conditions and human resources
practices, while family stress is related to your marital and
parental, and economic status, as well as strain you may face with
your partner and children, as well as problems related to work-family
conflicts," says Alain Marchand, associate professor at the University
of Montreal's and lead author of research.

The study found that fewer mental health problems were experienced by
those living with a supportive partner, young children, on higher
household incomes, less work-family conflicts, and greater access to
the support of a social network outside the workplace.

The less stress there was at home the less likely the worker was to
burnout at work.

The researchers also looked other common stressors typically found in
the workplace, such as emotional exhaustion, poor use of skills, high
psychological demands, job insecurity and lack of authority and found
that a supportive environment at work and home led to the best
outcomes for worker when dealing with stress."

(http://cnbc.com/us_news/102012504)

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How do antacids reduce indigestion?

My experience as a child and in dealing with my children, tummy ache
is something I've never liked to face.

When it comes to indigestion this information I came across has proven
to be quite enlightening. Last week I had my kids facing indigestion
challenges and that prompted me to research the role of Antacids.

Common symptoms of indigestion are

Upper Abdominal pain or discomfort

Bloating (tummy feels uncomfortably full)

Excessive gas

Nausea and Vomiting

Burning feeling in upper abdomen/heart burn

"Gastric juice, the digestive juice used by our stomachs to digest
food, is quite acidic -acidic enough in fact, to digest zinc metal!
Our stomachs have a special lining that normally can handle these
conditions by constantly shedding its cells and replacing them.

Occasionally, however, such as when we eat something that is difficult
to digest (like pizza with everything on it) or when we are under a
lot of stress, our stomachs produce more acid than they can handle.
The excess acid causes the stomach to shed the cells of its protective
lining faster than it can replace them.  If this happens occasionally
we feel the discomfort of indigestion.  If it happens a lot we can
wind up with an ulcer.

To take care of the excess acid, we can take an antacid.  Antacids
contain weak bases.  Bases neutralize acids by reacting with them to
form water and a salt.  The reason weak bases are used instead of
strong bases is because strong bases would neutralize too much acid
and would most likely kill you."

(Lansing State Journal, October 26, 1994)
http://www.pa.msu.edu/sciencet/ask_st/102694.html

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A Business Casual Dress Code

Your Company's objective in establishing a business casual dress code,
is to allow our employees to work comfortably in the workplace. Yet,
we still need our employees to project a professional image for our
customers, potential employees, and community visitors. Business
casual dress is the standard for this dress code.

Because all casual clothing is not suitable for the office, these
guidelines will help you determine what is appropriate to wear to
work. Clothing that works well for the beach, yard work, dance clubs,
exercise sessions, and sports contests may not be appropriate for a
professional appearance at work.

Clothing that reveals too much cleavage, your back, your chest, your
feet, your stomach or your underwear is not appropriate for a place of
business, even in a business casual setting.

Even in a business casual work environment, clothing should be pressed
and never wrinkled. Torn, dirty, or frayed clothing is unacceptable.
All seams must be finished. Any clothing that has words, terms, or
pictures that may be offensive to other employees is unacceptable.
Clothing that has the company logo is encouraged. Sports team,
university, and fashion brand names on clothing are generally
acceptable.

Certain days can be declared dress down days, generally Fridays. On
these days, jeans and other more casual clothing, although never
clothing potentially offensive to others, are allowed.

By Susan.M. Heathfield, Human Resources Expert.
(humanresources.about.com/od/workrelationships/a/dress_code.htm)

(Photo-credit: gorgeautiful.com)

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It's Okay, If Being a Leader Isn't for you

The natural progression in many settings is to move from being a
follower to a leader, but is that really for everyone?

I remember how, back in High School days, many of us "dodged the
responsibility" of being leaders basically because we wanted to be
"real" and "free".

Back to the present, I still have friends who have no interest in just
"taking the lead". The truth is, leadership isn't for everyone that's
why true leaders are few compared to the number of "followers".

In a recent study that involved 3,600 employees, it was discovered
that only 40% of the male staff and 29% of the females where
interested in aspiring to any leadership role.

Why?

Two major reasons:

1. They were satisfied with their present roles.

2. They were unwilling to give up their "work-life balance".

Quite interesting, isn't it?
To even fine tune further, some also have selective leadership
preferences. I know a number of Managers that have no intentions
becoming the CEO.

So organisations that need more leaders have to be detailed enough to
ensure they get those who WANT to be leaders, because being a manager
is truly not for everyone. In fact being a manager is a totally new
career. Just because someone does his job well don't mean he has the
tools or make-up of a manager.

This is the major reason why many people in leadership positions DON'T
act like leaders.

"A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way"-
John Maxwell.

Some know the way, but are not willing to go the way.
Some know the way but only want to show the way and not go the way.

We all have our roles and life purpose, discover what yours is and
make your own contribution.

Variety is the spice of life.

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Mid-Week Nuggets: 4 Facts to Note About Depression

1) A person suffering from depression usually may have this feeling of
worthlessness or hopeless and is likely to be laden with suicidal
thoughts. He/she may also lose interest in exciting activities and
likely suffer from insomnia (lack of sufficient sleep).

2) Depression should be looked at as life-threatening as it can
disrupt your work, sleep, sex-life and appetite.

3) Studies have shown that counselling (which gives sufferers
life-long tools to deal with depression) eases depression in a couple
of weeks and there is less likely to be a relapse than when on drugs.

4) Just because someone in your family suffers from depression doesn't
mean you can't escape it.
Being vulnerable to depression (because of your genes) doesn't mean
you must give in. Your outlook on life and how you deal with issues
matters.

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First Blood Test to Diagnose Depression in Adults

The first blood test to diagnose major depression in adults has been
developed by Northwestern Medicine® scientists, a breakthrough
approach that provides the first objective, scientific diagnosis for
depression. The test identifies depression by measuring the levels of
nine RNA blood markers. RNA molecules are the messengers that
interpret the DNA genetic code and carry out its instructions.

The blood test also predicts who will benefit from cognitive
behavioral therapy based on the behavior of some of the markers. This
will provide the opportunity for more effective, individualized
therapy for people with depression.

In addition, the test showed the biological effects of cognitive
behavioral therapy, the first measurable, blood-based evidence of the
therapy's success. The levels of markers changed in patients who had
the therapy for 18 weeks and were no longer depressed.

"This clearly indicates that you can have a blood-based laboratory
test for depression, providing a scientific diagnosis in the same way
someone is diagnosed with high blood pressure or high cholesterol,"
said Eva Redei, who developed the test and is a professor of
psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg
School of Medicine. "This test brings mental health diagnosis into the
21st century and offers the first personalized medicine approach to
people suffering from depression."

Read more:http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2014/09/first-blood-test-to-diagnose-depression-in-adults.html

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Black Mum Gives Birth to "Totally White" Baby

When Mrs Howarth of Milton Keynes was handed Jonah she thought the
hospital had made a mistake.

Doctors have confirmed that three-month-old Jonah is not an albino.
It's a result of one-in-a-million combination of his parents' genes.

Catherine Howarth is black with Nigerian heritage,her husband Richard,
34, a medical recruitment consultant, is white and her infant son is
completely white.

Catherine seems to have a recessive white gene.

Jonah's stunning blue eyes and creamy complexion have him signed up by
five of the country's leading agencies. He has already appeared in
several photoshoots.

Wow! One in a million gene.

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Suspected Ebola Case In OAU?

"Fear gripped students, parents and staff of Obafemi Awolowo
University, Ile-Ife on Tuesday over a report that a patient on
admission at the OAU Health Centre was a suspected Ebola Virus Disease
victim.

Though the management of the school initially denied the development
but the Oyo State Commissioner for Health, Dr. Temitope Ilori, said
the sick student had confessed having contact with the late Port
Harcourt doctor, Iyke Enemuo, who died of the EVD after he secretly
treated an infected ECOWAS diplomat, Olu-Ibukun Koye, in a hotel in
the Rivers State capital.

The commissioner said the female student had been put in the isolation ward.

Ilori said, "I was told that a student of the OAU who had contact with
the doctor who died of the Ebola virus in Port Harcourt walked into
the health centre when she was sick.

"She was said to have told doctors at the health centre that she had
contact with the Port Harcourt doctor and was put under surveillance
but she said she tested negative that time.

"Now she returned to the OAU to continue with her studies and was
sick. She was said to have walked to the health centre and told them
everything about her contact with the doctor.

"Her blood sample has been taken for another test in Lagos and we are
awaiting the result. We pray she is not positive but she has been
isolated at the health centre."

When one of our correspondents visited the hospital on Tuesday, it was
observed that health officials were disinfecting the surroundings of
the medical centre and more attention was paid to places where
patients sit before being attended to.

It was also learnt that top officials of the hospital held an
emergency meeting after testing the suspected patient, who was said to
have been on admission in the hospital since Monday.

To ensure calmness in the institution, the Vice-Chancellor, Prof.
Bamitale Omole, urged students to desist from spreading rumours about
EVD.

(Source http://www.osundefender.org/?p=185820)

I'll advice all the students to remain calm and concentrate on
boosting their immune system; eat bitter Kola, drink ugwu, ewedu...

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How To Protect Your Children From Over-Sexualization; 7 Action Steps

This is a very broad topic, because it's actually more than just a
topic; it borders on our lifestyle and our very essence. What do you
really stand for?

Children have always been the picture of innocence; so trusting and
always absorbing every information given to them "hook, line and
sinker". That is why a child who grows up without values will follow
the same path as an adult except some miracle takes place.

Many children have been left to themselves because those that should
be watching over and guiding them are just too busy or occupied to do
so. So the new guardians the children are music, celebrities,
television (reality shows especially).

Just few days ago I found myself venting when I saw the cover of a
Tarzan story book with my seven year old son. He likes to draw so one
of his friends had loaned him the book for his artistic pleasure. But
on the cover of the book was Tarzan and a "girl" swinging on a rope...
I just didn't like the body language. Don't they do anything for kids
anymore?
The adverts on TV don't even help at all, thank God my kids have
learnt how to flip the channel.

So what can a parent do in these "trying" times because we need to
preserve the innocence of these kids and hand them the right values?

Here Some Simple Actions You Can Take Once In a while to ensure you
remain connected to your children:

1) Be ready to ask and answer questions. Besides just giving
spontaneous answers, set some time to have heart to heart discussions
with your children. The duration of this discussion will depend on how
much they are assimilating and the questions they ask. With kids one
question always leads to another!
Sometimes they are even the ones who have things to say even though
you set the meeting. What matters is that you are teaching them to
communicate and showing them that you are available.

2) Be up to date PLEASE! Don't start feeling too old or thinking you
can spend your time on other important stuff. Children always want to
be informed and if you don't have what they need they'll look
elsewhere.
So get to understand what's happening in music, fashion, social media
etc. Have a general idea of these things and if they seem to be
talking about what you don't know, do some research so you can guide
them from a position of knowledge.

3) Be Vigilant!
Not all children's programmes, cartoons or TV channels are wholesome.
My kids know the not so good channels so they rarely stay there except
they know the programme being shown.
Some particular episodes of a cartoon your child usually watches can
even cause you to raise the red flag.
I remember a particular cartoon I was watching with my children and
they were talking about the different kinds of love. Their
presentation made me feel really uncomfortable but thank God my
children had their attention diverted. After the cartoon was over I
drew their attention again to the fact that some cartoons or
programmes were for "big kids".

4) Start early to lay a value-based foundation for your children. I
started as early as when they were toddlers, presenting actions to
them that were good for them to copy. If you start early they would be
able to discern early though it is never too late to re-connect with
your kids.
Also it's important to know that all children are not the same, some
may pick what you're saying faster than the others because of their
personality...some may even resist you but don't throw in the towel!

5) Know your children's friends and interests and don't hesitate to
give objective and well informed guidance when and where necessary.

6) Deliberately give your children space so you can really get to
assess the progress of your impartation or guidance. Do you always
have to be there or say anything before they make the right move?

7) Be a parent and not just a friend. Your child needs and will always
appreciate your guidance whether he says it or not. DON'T delegate
this all important God-given responsibility.

If you have any suggestions or ideas to help parents please share.

Happy Parenting!

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Relationship Advice: Does Your Relationship Suffer from AFFECTION Deficit Disorder?

Many times we think it's the big things that "destroy" marriages when
in actual fact "it's the little foxes that spoil the vine".

It's the little destructive elements that we allow to grow and
dominate our relationships.

Here's what Dr. Rich Nicastro
has to say:

Whenever couples seek me out for relationship advice or marriage help,
one of the first things I do is assess whether or not their
relationship is suffering from a lack of affection…in other words, an
affection deficit disorder. A lack of affection is a serious
relationship problem for many couples.

Affection (or more accurately, showing affection) is an important part
of any loving relationship—it is the verbal and physical expression of
the love, warmth and caring you and your partner feel for each other.
To maintain a healthy relationship, couples should find ways to
increase the affection quotient of their relationship.

Ongoing displays of affection feed your marriage or relationship and
keep it strong.

Unfortunately, too many couples fall prey to affection-complacency.
They simply stop making an effort to communicate their positive,
loving feelings and at some point their marriage or relationship
experiences an affection deficit.

While all relationships go through peaks and valleys, relationships
that suffer from affection deficits become lifeless over time—it's as
if the bridge that joins you and your partner has been torn down and
you exist on separate islands miles apart, isolated from the love you
used to share.

Let's look at some warning signs of an affection deficit.

Relationship Problems: Warning signs of an affection deficit

1. There is no spark of playfulness between you

By its very nature, the energy of playfulness includes affection. When
playfulness is abandoned, your marriage or relationship can begin to
look and feel like a formal business luncheon. This also occurs when
couples begin to take each other too seriously and can no longer laugh
at the absurdities of life together.

2. There are little or no displays of mutual gratitude

Acts of gratitude make your spouse/partner feel cared for and
appreciated. The positive impact mutual, spoken gratitude has on your
marriage or relationship cannot be overstated. Every act of gratitude
is an expression of love and caring that strengthens your
relationship.

3. Communication mostly centers on the mundane

Sure you have to figure out who's picking up Johnny from preschool, if
there is enough money to cover this month's expenses and what's for
dinner, but when interactions only center on the practicalities and
stresses of life, your relationship is probably experiencing an
affection drain.

4. There is little or no touch between you

Touch is a powerful form of non-verbal communication that feeds
emotional intimacy and demonstrates affection. Research shows that
infants and children who lack physical stimulation fail to thrive—and
the need for touch doesn't stop once you've entered adulthood. Don't
overlook the affection-boost touch can infuse into your relationship.

5. You talk negatively about your partner to others

The way you speak about your spouse/partner (or fail to talk about
him/her) to others can impact your relationship. When you make a
conscious effort to represent your partner (and your relationship) in
a positive light, you heighten feelings of affection (even when these
feelings may be lacking); and conversely, when you feed negativity by
complaining about your partner to your friends and family, you further
an affection deficit.

In other words, what you choose to focus on becomes a greater
influence in your life and relationship. Because it puts you in a
beneficial mindset and helps remind you of your partner's admirable
attributes, invoking positive, affectionate feelings while discussing
your partner will positively impact your marriage or relationship.

While the above list isn't exhaustive, as you can see, there are clear
warning signs that your marriage or relationship is tipping toward an
affection deficit. However, an affection deficit can be stopped and
reversed. The first step is to become conscious of these signs and
then make the commitment to reverse the patterns of
affection-complacency.

Effective communication remains one of the most powerful ways to
deepen intimacy and increase affection in your marriage/relationship.

Check out my popular Couples Communication workbook to learn powerful
communication tools you can use right away.

And to better understand how your past (and your partner's past) can
stand in the way of creating an affectionate relationship, see my
Don't Let Your Past Dictate Your Future workbook.

Wishing you and your partner an affectionate and fulfilling union!

Dr. Rich Nicastro

(http://www.strengthenyourrelationship.com/free-relationship-resources/free-relationship-advice-articles/relationship-advice-does-your-relationship-suffer-from-affection-deficit-disorder/)

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Monday Motivation: Positive versus Negative Stress!

Written by Dr. Caroline Leaf

We have been told stress is always detrimental to our bodies. Not so!
There is such a thing as positive stress! Let me explain.


Stress is the bodies reaction influences coming from outside or inside
the body. Stress has three stages. Stage One is positive. In this
stage we become alert and focused to the task at hand. This is normal.
It is a temporary state.


Stage Two and Three, however, are negative. In Stage Two, the Stress
Response is prolonged. Hormones like cortisol, which are only supposed
to be increased for a short time, persist at high levels in the blood
stream causing damage to our brains and bodies. If Stage Two becomes
chronic and is maintained for a longer period it becomes Stage Three.
At this point the body's resources are exhausted, leading to disease
and even death.


So what is the key to staying in positive and out of negative stress?
It is our thought life, it is how we think. Research has shown that
how we think about stress can affect whether we live or die.


The emerging fields medical specialities of psychoneuroendocrinology
and psychoneuroimmunology are shedding light on the how thinking
affects stress, the brain, the immune system and hormones and how
these things determine our psychological and physical wellbeing. See
http://drleaf.com/about/scientific-philosophy/ (under 'Thinking
Affects Health') for more on the science. Because Mind controls
Matter, therefore, thinking is the pre-eminent influence on health. In
fact 78% to 98% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct
result of our thought life.



Watch Episode 4 of my TV Show for more details.
http://drleaf.com/blog/positive-versus-negative-stress/

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Is There Any Direct Benefit of Chlorophyll To The Human Being?

Sometimes people think eating vegetables is over-hyped and I really
don't blame them.

So I decided to investigate green vegetables, the chlorophyll they
contain and what it really does for humans.

When it comes to preventing the body from degeneration and disease
green leafy vegetables come on top of any synthetic supplement.
They actually heal and rejuvenate the human body.

This now draws our attention to the chlorophyll that is contained in
these "green foods".
From our biology days we learnt that chlorophyll is the "green
colour/pigment in plants.

The name chlorophyll is derived from the Greek words chloros which
means 'green' and also phyllon which means 'leaf'.

The oxygen we breathe comes from the chlorophyll in plants.

It is quite interesting to note that chlorophyll is just like the
human blood with only one exception: the binding element in
chlorophyll is magnesium, whereas the binding element in blood is
iron.

Some researchers have said that chlorophyll has the ability to release
magnesium from its center and absorb iron, and thus become
haemoglobin. So the chlorophyll literally becomes human blood.

I believe this because I have actually refused blood transfusion
before. My PCV (packed cell volume) was just 17%, against the normal
40% but for reasons best known to me I refused to be transfused.
When I got home I had someone extract the juice from ugwu leaves (dark
green vegetables) and took a mug of that twice a day (really tasty
with milk). I don't remember how long I took that drink but I know it
wasn't long before I did another test and my PCV went up to 31%!
Now I know what happened.

So chlorophyll definitely helps in treating anaemia.

Other Benefits of Chlorophyll


...Chlorophyll increases oxygen levels throughout the body by taking
carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide and converting them into oxygen;
this helps prevent disease incubation and also promotes recovery.


... It enhances energy because of increased oxygen supply.

...Chlorophyll has antioxidants that are important in the repair and
growth of new tissues and cells. It is also great in neutralizing
harmful free radicals that can damage cells and tissues. It helps
detoxify the liver.

... Chlorophyll can be used as a deodourizer to deal with bad breath.
It also reduces the smell of urine, the smell of faeces and also awful
body odour.

... It cleans the digestive tract and colon.

" According to aome researchers, it seemed that chlorophyll may block
the absorption of its look-alike molecule, heme, in the colon, helping
to keep the colon walls smooth and healthy."

...It is valuable in the prevention and treatment of certain cancers.
It acts primarily as a blocking agent against chemical initiation of
carcinogenesis. Studies have linked chlorophyll to the prevention of
cancer; it can reduce the ability of carcinogenic chemicals to cause
harm in the many organs of the entire body.


" Researchers in the early 1980s discovered that chlorophylls and
related chemicals could inhibit the ability of certain DNA-damaging
chemicals to cause mutations in bacteria."


...In the March 2001 study by Virginia Commonwealth University's R.E.
Merchant and C.A. Andre, supplementation with chlorophyll-rich
chlorella was shown to reduce high blood pressure, lower LDL ("bad"
cholesterol).


...It is also an anti inflammatory and accelerates wound healing (it
can be used on wounds externally) .


There are no known side effects of chlorophyll.

Plants are the only source of chlorophyll but cooking and various food
preparations destroy most of the therapeutic effects of chlorophyll.


One of the best sources of chlorophyll is "Chlorella"(a type of algae)
but you can also make do with your dark green leafy vegetables; Ugwu,
Ewedu, Spinach, Sukuma, broccoli, celery, kale, lettuce, leaks,
scallions. chlorella, blue-green algae, spirulina, kelp, green barley,
wheat grass and alfalfa.

Clean up your system with chlorophyll, it's a blessing.

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Ebola Treatment Update: Consultant Says Ewedu Is Capable of Preventing And Treating Ebola

Oh no ewedu (vegetable) is going to become scarce very soon with this news:

A consultant at the Lagos University Hospital (LUTH), Idi-Araba,
Professor Adebukola Ositelu, has said Ewedu ‎which is known in English
as the Long-Fruited vegetable, is capable of preventing and curing the
Ebola Virus Disease (EVD) by boosting the immune system.

Ositelu stated this at the annual African Traditional Medicine Day
organised by the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and
Control (NAFDAC) on Thursday, at Ikeja, Lagos.

According to her, the vegetable had a high potency to boost the immune
system such that it's usage would prevent an individual from being
infected with Ebola, or get rid of the virus in the case of an
infected person.

She, however, noted that chances of being cured by an intake of Ewedu
when a victim has gotten to the stage of vomiting was low, but could
still be administered.

Ositelu, who is a professor of ‎Ophthalmology at the University of
Lagos, Akoka (UNILAG), said to administer the 'treatment', the Ewedu
should be rinsed thoroughly with liquid vinegar "blend and cook with
drinkable water, without adding salt or kaun (pottash) or any other
ingredients; then take a 25cl or half a tumbler measure once a week,
first thing in the morning before any meal" for prevention, adding
that those already infected should take it every morning for seven to
five days.

(the sun news)

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Wearing A Bra Has No Link With Breast Cancer

I had no idea that the media had always carried the news that wearing
a bra could increase the risk of cancer. Well I'm glad I had no idea
about that...

Now scientists have come out to with contrary reports:

'To determine if concerns that have surfaced in the past over whether
wearing bras might increase the chances of tumors, the researchers
looked at types of bras women wore, when they began wearing them and
how long they wore them each day.

"We found no evidence that wearing a bra is associated with breast
cancer," said study author Lu Chen, a researcher at the Fred
Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle. She's also a doctoral
student in epidemiology at the University of Washington School of
Public Health.

Chen decided to look at the issue because media reports have suggested
that bras may hamper lymph circulation and drainage and interfere with
waste removal, thereby boosting breast cancer risk. In a book
published in 2005, the authors claimed to have evidence of a link
between bras and breast cancer risk. And there are concerns that
breast cancer may be more prevalent in developed countries, where
women are more likely to wear bras, she said.

But the topic has rarely been studied scientifically, Chen noted.

The new research, funded by the U.S. National Cancer Institute, is
published Sept. 5 in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers &
Prevention.

Chen's team evaluated more than 1,000 women who had been diagnosed
with breast cancer between 2000 and 2004, comparing them to 469 women
without breast cancer.

All of the study participants were past menopause, ranging in age from
55 to 74. Those with breast cancer had one of two common types --
invasive lobular cancer or invasive ductal cancer.

The researchers gathered information about bra cup size, whether the
bras they wore had underwires, how long each day they wore them and
when they started wearing a bra. Women also told the researchers about
any family history of breast cancer, their height and weight,
education level, race, income, whether they used hormone replacement
therapy and whether they had had a recent mammogram.

The bra-wearing habits were not linked with breast cancer risk, Chen found.

"Our study found no evidence that wearing a bra increases a woman's
risk for breast cancer," she said. "The risk was similar no matter how
many hours per day women wore a bra, whether they wore a bra with an
underwire, or at what age they first began wearing a bra."

The new study is solid, said Dr. Dimitrios Trichopoulos, a professor
of cancer prevention at Harvard School of Public Health in Boston.

"This study tells the obvious, the logical, that it is safe to wear a
bra," he said.

When another Internet scare story crops up about bras and breast
cancer risk, women would be wise to ignore it, he added.

"The Internet is a treasure, but it contains plenty of nonsense,"
Trichopoulos said. "Women have enough to worry about without having to
worry about wearing a bra [or not]."

More information

To learn more about risk factors for breast cancer, visit the American
Cancer Society.'

(SOURCES: Lu Chen, M.P.H., researcher, Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research
Center, and doctoral student, epidemiology, University of Washington
School of Public Health, Seattle; Dimitrios Trichopoulos, M.D.,
Vincent L. Gregory professor of cancer prevention and professor,
epidemiology, Harvard School of Public Health, Boston; Sept. 5, 2014,
Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers & Prevention)

Source: Health Day News

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Take A "Coffee Nap" and Stay Alert All Day In Your Workplace

For those workers who get to the office really early because they want
to beat the early morning traffic this is a very good idea.

Most times you want to catch a little nap just before work begins so
you can feel more active, but have you tried a coffee nap?

Scientists have observed that taking a "coffee nap" will help to
maximise your brain's alertness and is more effective than taking a
nap or coffee alone.




How Do You Take a "Coffee nap"?

First, drink a cup of coffee as quickly as you can (tea and soda have
less caffeine than coffee).

Then immediately take a nap; the usual nap you would have taken anyway
just that you took a cup of coffee before.
So lay your head on the table or relax in your staff lounge and take a
20minute nap (even if just a half-sleep stage)




How Exactly Does The Coffee Nap Work?

After caffeine is absorbed through your small intestine and passes
into your bloodstream, it crosses into your brain.
There, it fits into receptors that are normally filled by a
similarly-shaped molecule, called adenosine.

Adenosine is a by-product of brain activity, and when it accumulates
at high enough levels, it plugs into these receptors and makes you
feel tired. If caffeine (which takes about 20minutes to reach the
brain) blocks the receptors, then adenosine is unable to do so.

So the caffeine competes with adenosine for these spots, filling some,
but not others.

Now when you sleep adenosine is cleared from the brain. If you nap for
longer than 15 or 20 minutes, your brain is more likely to enter
deeper stages of sleep that take some time to recover from. But
shorter naps generally don't lead to this so-called "sleep inertia".

So if you nap for those 20 minutes, you'll reduce your levels of
adenosine just in time for the caffeine to kick in.

The caffeine will have less adenosine to compete with, and will
thereby be even more effective in making you alert.




This is one great move you can make to keep you alert throughout your
work period.
Try it and let's know how it goes.


(Photo-credit: http://www.wszhuxian.com/furniture/office-chair-you-can-sleep-in.html)

(Thanks to http://www.vox.com/science)

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Mid-week Nuggets: Let's Burst Some Anger Myths and Face Facts

Myth: I shouldn't "hold in" my anger. It's healthy to vent and let it out.

Fact: While it's true that suppressing and ignoring anger is
unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to
"let out" in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact,
outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger
problem.


Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get
what I want.

Fact: True power doesn't come from bullying others. People may be
afraid of you, but they won't respect you if you can't control
yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to
listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a
respectful way.


Myth: I can't help myself. Anger isn't something you can control.

Fact: You can't always control the situation you're in or how it makes
you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. And you can
express your anger without being verbally or physically abusive. Even
if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how
to respond.


Myth: Anger management is about learning to suppress your anger.

Fact: Never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is normal, and it
will come out regardless of how hard you try to suppress it. Anger
management is all about becoming aware of your underlying feelings and
needs and developing healthier ways to manage upset. Rather than
trying to suppress your anger, the goal is to express it in
constructive ways.

(http://m.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/anger-management)

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Communication Tips: 7 Types of Body Language to Master

The message you pass through your body language will affect how others
see you, if they will like, respect you or even trust you.

Interestingly, many people send confusing or negative signals without
even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are
damaged.

There are many different types of non-verbal communication:

1. Facial expressions

The human face is extremely expressive, able to express countless
emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of non-verbal
communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial
expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust
are the same across cultures.

2. Body movements and posture

Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they
sit, walk, stand up, or hold their head. The way you move and carry
yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type
of non-verbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance,
and subtle movements.

3. Gestures

Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point,
beckon, and use our hands when we're arguing or speaking
animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without thinking.
However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures
and regions, so it's important to be careful to avoid
misinterpretation.

4. Eye contact

Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an
especially important type of non-verbal communication. The way you
look at someone can communicate many things, including interest,
affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in
maintaining the flow of conversation and for gauging the other
person's response.

5. Touch

We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the messages
given by the following: a weak handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder,
a warm bear hug, a reassuring slap on the back, a patronizing pat on
the head, or a controlling grip on your arm.

6. Space

Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the
other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all
have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending
on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship.
You can use physical space to communicate many different non-verbal
messages, including signals of intimacy and affection, aggression or
dominance.

7. Voice

It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. When we speak, other
people "read" our voices in addition to listening to our words. Things
they pay attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you
speak, your tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding,
such as "ahh" and "uh-huh." Think about how someone's tone of voice,
for example, can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

Important Points to Note:

Improving your awareness of the signs and signals of body language
will help you understand people better and communicate more
effectively.

Body language is not necessarily always loud sometimes it can be subtle.

Body language helps reflect on the outside whatever is happening
inside, so this is one important skill you need to learn when dealing
with people, especially in the workplace.

(special thanks to helpguide.org)

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UK Deputy High Commissioner Slumps, Dies at Lagos Airport

The British Deputy High Commissioner to Nigeria, Ambassador Peter
Carter Leslie, slumped and died Tuesday from a possible heart attack
on arrival at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos.

The deceased who arrived Lagos on United Airlines Flight UA143 at 3.50
pm local time slumped in the avio-bridge while he was alighting from
the aircraft.

THISDAY gathered that officials from British High Commission and the
Port Health Services tried to resuscitate him with oxygen but the
effort failed.

"We have an incident here. The UK Deputy High Commissioner who just
arrived this afternoon on a United Airlines flight just slumped as he
was coming out of the aircraft and died. He is being evaluated at this
moment," an informed source told THISDAY.

Nobody knew the cause of the death or if he was sick onboard the
aircraft, but a worker with one of the aviation handling companies
disclosed that he saw the gathering of officers from the high
commission who kept mum and looked solemn, before he learnt about the
tragic incident.

THISDAY learnt that as the deceased was leaving the aircraft, he
started gasping for breath and needed oxygen which was brought to
resuscitate him but failed to recover.

Efforts to get the confirmation of the British High Commission in
Lagos and Abuja, as well as the Minister of Foreign Affairs, proved
unsuccessful yesterday, as calls to the commission and the ministry
were unanswered.

However, a letter written by the Federal Ministry of Health Port
Health Services, which was signed by Doctors E.E. Ukatu and Abdullai,
and was made available to THISDAY by airport sources, stated: "The
Port Health Services was called today (2/9/14) by a FAAN (Federal
Airports Authority of Nigeria) medical nurse at about 4.07 pm from the
D arrival screening point to see a passenger (the deceased) said to
have arrived onboard a United Airlines flight from Houston, Texas.

"It was reported that after disembarking, the passenger was observed
to be clutching his chest and asking for help.

"In the course of examination, he was asked if he was Asthmatic, and
he said 'MAY BE'.

"On examination, he was found to be pale, in respiratory distress
(gasping for breath), his pulse was rapid and thready. Based on his
response to the question if he was asthmatic, a Ventolin inhaler was
administered, but was not effective, as the patient was restless and
threw off the inhaler to the floor. He was placed on the left lateral
position and at the same time, oxygen was called for.

"Efforts were made to administer oxygen, while a second doctor was
called and suction applied via a suction machine to clear the airway.
"Subsequently, the patient suffered a cardio-pulmonary arrest; the
radial and carotid pulses were no longer palpable and patient was
observed to be cyanosed. Attempts at resuscitation proved abortive.
Pupils were fixed and dilated and patient was certified dead at 4.26
pm."

(thisday live)

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5 Signs Entrepreneurship is Not For You

I have always had this thought
that being an entrepreneur is a calling. The road of an entrepreneur
is not "bread and butter" and takes a strong conviction and inner
vision to keep going.

Wanting to be your own boss is not a good enough reason to think
entrepreneurship is for you. You can be successful working for another
person, infact there are many who have run companies like it was
theirs...But you know what the company is actually theirs because
they've become a part of it.

So how do you know if being an entrepreneur is not for you?

According to Enterprise54:

"Many people are seeking ways of diversifying income, seeking
alternative or multiple streams of income. Many are turning to
entrepreneurship and small businesses for this reason.

However, with the volume of data available about small business or
startup failures, it is important to determine if starting a small
business is the best way for you.

This article seeks to identify 5 key pointers that will help the
reader, determine if entrepreneurship is really their forte.

1. You Are a Habitual Latecomer

If you are a habitual latecomer in your present job, entrepreneurship
isn't for you. The reason is not far fetched. Entrepreneurship
requires efficient time management, consistency and punctuality. These
are skills and attitudes you need to develop while on a paid job. If
you are late to a paid job, you'll be late in your business. When you
are late to close a deal, you begin to lose respect and client base
keeps reducing. When that happens, you won't be in business for too
long.

2. You Need Constant Supervision

The good thing about having your own business is the freedom and
authority that comes with it. You can decide to delay a task because
no one is breathing down your neck. However that same freedom could be
the death of your small business. If you are not careful, it signals
the beginning of sloppiness. Indiscipline is one of the reasons
startups fail in Nigeria. If after years on the job, you still need
monitoring and supervision, entrepreneurship isn't for you. Don't even
bother, because you will run down your startup. Entrepreneurship
requires thinking on your feet, innovations, doggedness and
discipline. No external supervision, (except mentoring).

3. Your Input in Your Present Job is minimal

As a business owner, you need to be able to multi-task. Especially
when you are starting out, You do a whole lot of things. If your input
in your present job is minuscule, entrepreneurship isn't for you.

4. You Don't Do More Than Your Job Roles

Entrepreneurship requires hard work, doing more to beat your
competition. Not for lazy asses. If all you do in your present job is
what you are given and nothing more, entrepreneurship isn't for you.
It simply means you are not ready to take more challenges, you are not
ready to solve more problems and entrepreneurship is about solving
problems.

5. You Are Happy With Your Job

If you are happy and fulfilled in your paid job, entrepreneurship
isn't for you. The rule of the thumb in choosing a career or starting
a business is to do something that you are comfortable with. Something
that makes you happy. Entrepreneurship requires a clear head & healthy
mind. If you are happy with your current Job, stick to what you are
good at."

(credit:http://enterprise54.com/5-signs-entrepreneurship-is-not-for-you/)

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Watching Action Films Make You Eat More

Watching action films makes you eat more than viewing boring TV, a
study has found, as being distracted means you don't notice how much
you've eaten

People eat twice as many calories while watching fast-paced action
films like Ewan McGregor in The Island than a TV talk show, a study
has found.

It is well known that watching a lot of television encourages a
generally sedentary lifestyle which can lead to weight gain but one of
the first studies to look at eating habits during viewing has found
that the type of programme has an effect on what people eat.

A team at Cornell University in America found that volunteers watching
The Island ate twice as many calories as those watching a talk-show.

It is thought that the distracting effect of being engrossed in the
film meant viewers paid less attention to their snacks.

The researchers found that it did not matter what the viewers were
eating. If given carrots and grapes during the film, they ate more of
those than during the talk show.

So they suggested swapping chocolate and crisp snacks while watching
TV or when at the cinema for healthy alternatives could cut their
overall calorie consumption.

The findings were published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Lead author Dr Aner Tal said: "We find that if you're watching an
action movie while snacking your mouth will see more action too.

"In other words, the more distracting the program is the more you will eat."

In the study, 94 university students were given chocolate M&M sweets,
biscuits, carrots and grapes while watching a 20 minute segment of The
Island or a chat show called the Charlie Ross Show, or The Island
without sound.

Co-author Brian Wansink, professor and director of the Cornell Food
and Brand Lab said: "People who were watching The Island ate almost
twice as many snacks – 98 per cent more than those watching the talk
show.

"Even those watching "The Island" without sound ate 36 per cent more.

"The good news is that action movie watchers also eat more healthy
foods, if that's what's in front of them. Take advantage of this."

It was found that those watching The Island consumed 354 calories,
those watching the same segment without sound consumed 314 calories
and those watching the Charlie Ross Show consumed 215 calories.

Dr Tal said: "More stimulating programs that are fast paced, include
many camera cuts, really draw you in and distract you from what you
are eating. They can make you eat more because you're paying less
attention to how much you are putting in your mouth."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/11067714/Watching-action-films-makes-you-eat-more.html

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Workplace Stress: 5 Ideas For Handling A Bad Boss

The truth is that no one really agrees that they are bad bosses
including the bad bosses themselves.

So do you really have a bad boss? I don't even like using the word
"boss" because it is closely related to "bossy" which is already a
negative word. I prefer using "Superior" or "Leader" but because of
the context of this write-up I'll stick with boss.

Bad Boss Quiz

Does your boss:

1) take credit for your ideas or achievements?
2) major on negative rather than positive feedback?
3) behave controlling?
4) behave picky, petty or malicious?

If your answer is yes to these questions then you do have a bad boss.
The most frustrating thing in this situation is that your boss most
likely has no idea that he/she is "bad". He/She looks at himself like
a "no nonsense, get the job done asap" "staff need iron hands" kind of
person.

5 Ideas On How to Handle A Bad Boss

1) Talk to your boss(with respect ofcourse). Let him/her know what you
need to make your work more productive.
Concentrate on your needs not his/her faults.

2) Try to get a mentor who is also a manager at par with or even
senior to your boss.

3) Talk to Human Resources when your boss remains unrepentant or
unresponsive; be as objective as possible and not over-emotional.

4) If things still don't change, ask to be transfered since HR is
already aware of the case.

5) If this still doesn't produce any change then start your job
search. There's really no point working in a hostile environment.

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Responding to Your Baby's Babbling Helps In Language Speaking Development

Parents pay attention to your baby's "goos" and "gees" because they
are actually communicating.

When my son was a baby we had this saying that 'no baby ever spoke
"tata" like him'. He would communicate with lots of "tata"s and we
would always respond to him like we understood what he was saying. The
interesting thing is that I never even noticed when he started
speaking properly.

Now scientists are saying that responding to your baby's language will
actually help speed up his language speaking.

According to a new study by the University of Iowa and Indiana University:

Parents who consciously engage with their babbling infants can
accelerate their children's vocalizing and language learning.
These findings challenge the belief that human communication is innate
and can't be influenced by parental feedback.

Researchers observed the interactions between 12 mothers and their
8-month-old infants during free play twice a month for 30 minutes over
a six-month period. They noted how the mothers responded to their
child's positive vocalizations, such as babbling and cooing,
especially when it was directed toward the mother.

Current research in Gros-Louis's lab has found similar levels of
responsiveness of mothers and fathers to infants' babbling.

What researchers discovered is infants whose mothers responded to what
they thought their babies were saying, showed an increase in
developmentally advanced, consonant-vowel vocalizations, which means
the babbling has become sophisticated enough to sound more like words.
The babies also began directing more of their babbling over time
toward their mothers.

On the other hand, infants whose mothers did not try as much to
understand them and instead directed their infants' attention at times
to something else did not show the same rate of growth in their
language and communication skills.

Gros-Louis says the difference was mothers who engaged with their
infants when they babbled let their children know they could
communicate. Consequently, those babies turned more often to their
mothers and babbled.

"The infants were using vocalizations in a communicative way, in a
sense, because they learned they are communicative," Gros-Louis says.

Gros-Louis and her colleagues took that research a step further by
observing the interactions of mothers and infants over a longer period
of time and without instructing the mothers how to respond. Thus, they
added a control group -- the mothers who directed their babies'
attention elsewhere versus those who actively engaged when their
infants looked at them and babbled.

Once again, the results showed infants whose mothers attended more
closely to their babbling vocalized more complex sounds and develop
language skills sooner.

So go ahead and respond to your baby...Who says you and baby can't
have a constructive chit chat?

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Ebola Treatment Update:Nigeria to Receive Favipiravir From Japan

Nigeria is set to receive the antiviral drug Favipiravir from Japan as
a possible Ebola treatment, the Health Ministry said on Monday.

Favipiravir, developed by the Japanese pharmaceutical company Fujifilm
Holdings Corp, was available for immediate delivery, Health Minister
Onyebuchi Chukwu said during an emergency meeting in the capital,
Abuja.

The drug was approved to treat the flu by the Japanese health ministry
in March. Fujifilm Holdings is in talks with the US Food and Drug
Administration to begin clinical testing of Favipiravir as an Ebola
treatment.

"It is shown to have strong antiviral property against the Ebola
virus" in the lab and in patients, the minister.

Enough dosages of Favipiravir to treat about 20 000 patients were available.

Nigeria also applied for the experimental Ebola drug TKM-Ebola, Chukwu said.

TKM-Ebola was tested for safety in a small number of humans, but the
trial was halted in January when one volunteer developed moderate
gastrointestinal side effects.

Nigeria also offered to participate in clinical trials for two Ebola
vaccines, the health minister said.

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Marriage Preparation: Helpful (and Not-So-Helpful) Questions to Ask Before You Marry

Every day people are preparing for life's challenges—studying for a
test, practicing for a job interview, reviewing for the big work
presentation, etc. Unfortunately, all too often, this
better-to-be-prepared-than-blindsided mindset doesn't follow people
into their relationships.

Preparing for marriage or a committed, long-term relationship
(especially one where you'll be cohabitating with your partner) is an
important step in acquiring the tools needed to navigate the complex
terrain of love and intimacy.

When it comes to romance, many people seem to take one of two approaches:

They blindly (and impulsively) jump into a relationship and hope for the best

~or~

They seek a guarantee that love will last.

Both approaches are problematic.

The first leaves you ill-equipped to handle what's ahead, while the
second prevents you from being open to and appreciating the mysteries
that will unfold right under your nose.

Does the need for certainty and love really mix?

April wanted premarital counseling—at least she thought she did. It
quickly became apparent that she wanted to know if her fiancé was "the
right one" before she was willing to take the next commitment step.
She was frozen in fear, frozen by her need for certainty.

The "Is s/he the right one for me?" question can become a hurdle to a
fulfilling relationship. The question assumes that there is one person
out in the universe who can magically fit into your life—someone who
would be perfect for you. When you get stuck on this question, in
essence you're searching for a pre-fabricated soulmate, someone so
compatible and attuned to your needs that your marriage or
relationship is destined for success. Successful long-term
relationships succeed because of hard work and consistent effort by
both individuals, not because someone happened to find "the right
one."

Such a mindset can only set the stage for disappointment and disillusionment.



When you hear yourself asking, "Is s/he the right one for me?", take a
deep breath and replace this question with the following:

 Does this person appear committed and dedicated to putting in the
time and effort required to build a life together?

 Do we share similar goals and a relationship vision that will allow
us to work together as a team?

 Which intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual needs do I want
met in a relationship? Are these compatible with my partner's needs?

 Which incompatibilities exist and can I accept these differences?

A note about compatibility–

Think of compatibility as running on a continuum:

not at all____________slightly___________moderately________highly compatible

There will be areas of your relationship where you and your partner
lack compatibility, areas where you're slightly compatible, and areas
where you are moderately and highly compatible. Having a range of
compatibilities and incompatibilities is perfectly normal.

Rather than focusing your energies on the broad question, "Are we
compatible?" it might be more helpful to list all the areas of the
relationship where you're incompatible, slightly compatible, etc.
Hopefully, you'll be moderately and highly compatible in the areas of
the relationship that are most important to you.

Don't worry if you and your partner lack compatibility in places that
aren't that important to you. For instance, if you enjoy lingering in
coffee shops in your spare time and your partner prefers hiking, you
both can get these needs met by spending time alone or with friends
who share similar interests. This isn't an indication that something
is missing in your relationship. Remember, it's rare for couples to be
highly compatible in all areas of their relationship.

Marriage Preparation: Questions that become hurdles to commitment:

1. Any question(s) that seeks absolute certainty about your partner or
the relationship.

We take comfort in certainty, in knowing how life is going to turn
out—however, certainty is an illusion. If there is anything certain
about life or relationships, it's that neither can offer any
guarantees.

"Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."
~Mark Twain

While it's important to examine your motives (and your partner's
motives) for wanting to spend the rest of your lives together (and
take the necessary steps to prepare for marriage), at some point you
need to stop spinning your wheels and realize there are things over
which you have little control. That's where acceptance and patience
come into the picture. Talk with your partner about how to appreciate
each other's differences and accept that there are beauty and wisdom
in these differences.

With the proper relationship tools and with a unified commitment, you
and your partner will co-create a meaningful relationship.

2. Any question(s) that makes you feel superior and ultimately places
your partner in a one-down position.

When your expectations about your relationship aren't met, it's easy
to move into the "blame-the-other-for-being-a-lousy-spouse/partner"
mindset. When you and your partner share similar expectations about
the relationship (and acknowledge any differing expectations that may
exist or arise between you), the relationship is placed on solid
footing.

One question that stems from potentially damaging expectations is:
"Will s/he make me happy?"

Of course you want to experience happiness in your
marriage/relationship, but when the goal of your relationship is
happiness in and of itself, it's wise to examine your expectations
before you land in the inevitable puddle of hurt and disappointment.
(And remember, other people don't have the power to make us
happy—ultimately, that power is within us.)

Ultimately, your marriage/relationship should complement who you are,
should bring out the best in each of you. The "you" that emerges in
your marriage or relationship needs to stand on the shoulders of the
"you" that already existed prior to the relationship—the person you
were before your partner entered your life. This will allow intimacy
to act as a catalyst that will heighten all that exists within you.

Conclusion:

If you're reading this, you obviously realize the importance in
preparing for one of the most important decisions you'll ever make: to
get married or enter into an exclusive, committed long-term
relationship. As you take the steps necessary to prepare for all the
joys and challenges that lie ahead, remember that if it's a search for
certainty that you're after, you'll need to shift your focus and learn
to tolerate (and even appreciate) the ambiguity that is a part of the
romance puzzle.

Marriage/Relationship Books-Resources

If you're engage, in a new relationship or recently married,  check
out the Marriage Enrichment workbook package. This bonus package gives
couples a wide range of premarital and relationship tools needed to
create a healthy marriage/relationship.

And don't forget to check out my new Premarital Counseling Questions
blog post for more marriage preparation questions.

Until next time,

Dr. Rich Nicastro

http://www.strengthenyourrelationship.com/free-relationship-resources/free-relationship-advice-articles/marriage-preparation-helpful-and-not-so-helpful-questions-to-ask-before-you-marry/

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