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Most employers would like to leave a sign outside that says "leave your problems at home" but the truth is everyone actually brings "baggage" to work. It may be good or bad, make or mar , promote or impede productivity...It just happens.
The "Baggage" of a "Sex-starved Marriage:
"Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds"- Michelle Weiner-Davis.
Except of Chapter One of "The Sex-starved Marriage" by Michelle Weiner-Davis:
As with Debra and Tom, when one spouse isn't interested in sex, the touching, kissing, and other forms of physical affection and intimacy often drop out as well. Spouses distance from each other emotionally. They carry on their lives together in much the same way that two toddlers might engage in parallel play- involved in similar activities in close proximity, but without meaningful connection. Marriage becomes mechanical. Friendship often evaporates. Anger bubbles just below the surface. Misunderstandings abound. Emotional divorce becomes inevitable.
When they try to explain these feelings to their partners, their explanations are often flatly dismissed. "You don't have the need to feel closer to me, you're just a sex maniac," or "If you would have to go to work in the real world rather than be home with the kids, you would understand why I'm so tired all the time," or "If you weren't so controlling, you would just accept that I'm not as physical as you are and you would leave me alone,!" or "It's only sex, what's the big deal?"
However, to someone like Tom- the partner yearning for a better sexual relationship- being lovers is a big deal. It's much more than mere physical pleasure. It's connection, intimacy, closeness, and affection. It's about feeling attractive, feeling masculine/feminine, and feeling whole as a person. It's about being in love. It's about a feeling of oneness.
But since people with low sexual desire aren't hungering for a sexual connection, they're not overly empathetic to their spouses' feelings and do little to make significant changes in their relationships.
Eventually, feelings of rejection become increasingly difficult to manage. Sadness turns to anger. Those yearning for more physical closeness vacillate between being distant and unpleasant. And although these behaviors are merely symptoms of underlying hurt, people with low sexual desire don't perceive their spouses' behavior quite so benevolently. Empathy is in short supply. Arguments about sex, or the lack of it, become the norm. Blame-slinging disagreements add to the already icy distance between spouses. Then, like a runaway train, it's not long before their bitterness and animosity collide head-on with every other aspect of their relationship. Nothing seems right anymore...
Do you find yourself:
Going to bed earlier or later than your spouse just to avoid the possibility s/he might get amorous?
Lying in bed at night, careful not to stir for fear that s/he might start touching you?
Being sexual out of guilt rather than feeling desirous?
Arguing with your spouse about sex frequently.
Blaming each other.
Do you find yourself thinking or saying:
"By the end of the day, I'm just too tired and have no interest in sex."
"If you had to work as hard as me, maybe you'd understand why I have no interest in sex."
"How can we have sex? The kids are always around."
"If you were nicer to me maybe I'd be interested."
"Why do you always have to touch me in a sexual way?"
"If you weren't such a sex fanatic, I'd probably want more sex."
"If you'd help more around the house, I'd want to be closer to you sexually."
"I just don't feel turned on anymore."
"I have a lot on my mind right now. Sex is just not all that important to me."
OR
Have you been feeling hurt, depressed, resentful or angry about your husband or wife?s lack of interest in sex?
As a result, do you find yourself being highly critical or bossy?
Out of anger, have you berated your spouse or been mean-spirited?
Have your feelings of resentment about your married sex life prompted you to shut down emotionally and pull away from your spouse?
Do you wonder whether your spouse really loves you?
Do you question your attractiveness or masculinity/femininity?
Do you intentionally make plans that don't include your husband or wife?
Do you feel yourself building a wall around you to protect yourself from feelings of rejection?
Do you feel you've tried everything but your spouse simply doesn't understand how important sexuality is to you?
Are you feeling tempted to stray beyond your marriage to find companionship and sexual excitement?
If you've answered "yes" to several of these questions, your marriage is at risk of becoming sex-starved. Here's what you need to do to get things on track now:
Take the Great American Sex Challenge
Talk to a Divorce Busting® Coach who is highly skilled in dealing with sexuality issues
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